Maycemeber

This is your brain on all of it

Hi:

I had a few other letters in the works this week, but it felt more right to write about where I actually am. Where so many people I’m talking to are, too.

Maycember.

That’s what we lovingly call it. A month that is sneakily as busy as December, and wow, has this one been.

Here’s what we’re dealing with: my biggest Spark Society event of the year. Two school plays: Sammy’s middle school production of Footloose and Sydney’s elementary version of 101 Dalmatians. Regular work. Pizza. Family. Oh, and I’m planning my son’s bar mitzvah. It’s a black tie pizza party in a church basement, if you must know. I’m wearing a gown.

First, can I tell you about the Sparkle Party?

I rented out a dive bar on the Lower East Side. When many of the guests walked in, a flash of recognition crossed faces — it’s place where lot of us got messy when we were younger. I set the dress code as "wear something sparkly," and most of the Sparklers showed up for it. For the ones who came in a t-shirt and jeans, we had a fairy hair station ready, braiding tinsel into their hair on the spot.

pics by ana gambuto

Here’s the thing about the word “community.” It gets overused. Is it the customers of a brand? The members of a gym? The comment section of a website? In my opinion, a real community has to be deeper than that. It has to be intentional. Harder work than I realized when I set out to build this thing a little more than a year ago.

Here’s what made my night:

Jamie picked up Allie in an Uber to the party because they are real friends now. And Jamie dressed Allie for the party because she’s a very talented stylist, and that’s just what real friends do. Lauren and Ana met in person for the first time after months of working together on a project. Jen walked through the door in a full sequin gown because she understood the assignment … and because she’s a professional bridesmaid. Could this group be any more fascinating??

The DJ was the boyfriend of a Sparkler who happens to be a veternaian by day, DJ by night, along with his borther. They were EXCELLENT. Oh, and Shoshana passed around a jar of face glitter like it was drugs, whispering, "You want some?" We all cracked up. Some things never change at this particular dive bar.

pic by ana gambuto

We had a few extra guests; I like to invite everyone, as you know. They walked in with wide eyes. “Where did this amazing group of women come from?”

I’m feeling a little braggy today. About the Spark Society. Let’s just be okay with that, okay?

I could write a whole other article on the ups and downs of starting this thing, but let's save that for another day.

Moving on.

Because May-cember doesn’t care how good your parties are, and the exhaustion is real. Here’s what’s actually helping me right now:

Block off time to rest. Afternoons, mornings, a full day if you can get it. Today, after I send this letter, I have one call, a massage, and then blank time before one of the school plays. I put it on the calendar like a meeting because it is one.

Block off time to work. I like sprints, one hour to get something done and then done. My husband and I have been doing one-hour bar mitzvah planning sprints, too. Slightly chaotic, but it works.

Ask for help. I asked one of my Sparklers to help me with a few details for the party. She said all she did was send some emails, but it helped me so much. I walked in and actually enjoyed the night because I wasn’t carrying it all alone. I’m practicing that in other places, too.

Touch grass. Seriously. Being in nature helps so much. For me, it’s water. Sometimes I can get to the Long Island Sound, but when I can’t, the East River does the trick. Either way, get outside and off your screen.

Flop on someone’s couch. I wrote about this in detail last week, but the short version: find the person where you can just show up and be yourself. One of my clients calls them people who make you feel sparkly. That fits perfectly here.

Find the joy. Sometimes in the middle of all of it, I have to remind myself that most of what’s on my plate are good things. School plays. A bar mitzvah. A party full of women who have cultivated real relationships. I’m so, so lucky to have this big, full life.

Okay. Off to sprint, and then to break.

xx, Leah

PS: I was featured in this Brooklyn Paper article, Motherhood in motion: Three Brooklyn women on balancing kids, careers and community. And then I asked Rubi, pictured right, to cut my hair, which she did, and was wonderful. Connections really make the world go round, do they not?!